Oct 5, 2011

Discipline or abuse?

The saying goes. . . "spare the rod and spoil the child", but nowadays, even a teacher slapping a student is liable for child abuse when they use to condone public caning in school. As a result, quite a number of children are nowadays big bullies and hoodlums, where peers and even teachers fear them. Heck, even their parents fear them. Shockingly, they begin as early as even year 1 (standard 1) as I continuously have to comfort or counsel my little girl as her friends would threaten not to 'friend' her if she did not give or loan them, without much possibility of getting the money back, some money.
So, where is the fine line that seperates discipline and abuse? Having gone through some very tough childhood and having two teenagers and a precocious little diva, I think we have to discipline our children. But not with corporeal punishment all the time. Only when it is really serious and they really need to be taught a real lesson.
I went through a tough childhood. Every little mistake, including eating too slow, getting poor grades, or even events which has nothing to do with me, would warrant a pinch, a slap or being screamed at with a foul language. I was beaten plenty of times until I had blood clogged cane marks for a couple of days, or blue black bruises on my thighs. I cried, screamed and begged to no avail. When I tried running or evading, my punisher had even tied me up like a dog and caned me.
If I were to think on it, I think I only deserved being beaten thusly maybe 5% or less of the time.
I've lost my temper with my children many a times. And I whacked my eldest daughter less then 10 times in her entire life and that was only when she went far overboard on the rules we set out. Did things and said things that would embarrased and also hurt family.reputation, and it was never as terrible as I got it.
Now that I am older and somewhat wiser, I use a lot of other sly methods to keep my daughter in check, using rewards system and by threatening yucky but basically harmless stuff, like threatening to lick her ears or letting her sleep alone in the room, cutting off her tv access and so on. . . However, when she goes too far,then she gets whacked as well, but only after she has been warned.
So my opinion is, children need to be disciplined for their own good, but leave the harsh caning or spanking to when they really continue to flout the warnings you gave them and go over board too much. For other smaller 'crimes', just get creative and invent a punishment the child finds eecky or deprive her or him with his favourite toy, program or such. The results are almost the same, except, you'll get to raise a happier,and more confident child.
On a personal front, as a result of being abused, I grew up wary, scared, alone and I was even suicidal and took to self harming, that was all me before. . ., I met my husband. He was the one who made me the stronger and more complete person I am today. Every thing I am, is thanks to him, but that's a different story.
For you selfish people who just want to pick on the weaker ones, shame on you. Remember, what goes around can and will come around. If you just need a punching bag and are taking it out on your child, stepchild or a weaker one, you are such a loser and a damn coward. Discipline is NOT all about beatings. It is about love, and wanting to guide someone weaker down the right path to betterment. Corporeal punishment should be used sparingly.
That's my two cents input for today. . . .


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