When you are alone, you'd feel lonely after a while. Sometimes you long for companionship, relationship, someone to turn to and so on.. I was alone for a while.. I thought it was ok but at times, loneliness gets to me. You see, I am the only child and did not have anyone else, no brothers or sisters, no father who loved me. I have a mother who claims to love me but since I was a victim of her "love and affection" I decided I did not need that and over the years I learnt to rely on myself. I had children then but well, my circumstances did not allow me to have them with me nor were they close to me as they've grown up with their father and paternal grandparents..
Then, after years of kissing frogs, I finally found the man I think is my soulmate, got married, settled down and have another child. All seems well and I can banish my lonely existence and live a family life.
Now I realize I should have been careful for what I wished for and I probably had bitten off more then I could chew. I got more then I bargained for with my soul mate. He gave me a family all right. A huge family which I am sometimes thankful for. At other times, hmm..
The "hmm" is there because though I am lucky I have a mother in law, a sister in law, a brother in law and nieces and nephews.. They can be very nice, helpful, caring, socialable, open minded, easy going but they are also all rather extrovert, agressive, outspoken, quick tempered and easy to anger, easy to jump to conclusion, explosive, fussy etc. The slightest thing can set them off. I am the polar opposite as I'm an introvert, prefer the peaceful and quite and laid back life, love a little mess around.. Living with them, is like living in the killing fields, having to be careful of landmines. I always am like a cat on the hot tin roof. Minding my steps but sometimes not saying or doing anything is also a problem as to saying or doing the wrong thing..
It can be pretty stressful and lonely. Sometimes I just don't know what to do. Things are worse as I've moved back to my mother in law's house as my husband chose to live here with her to take care and be here for her. She may be 70 years old but very particular and definitely an alpha female no one wants to cross.. Heaven knows how many household helpers or maids have quit because of her bad temper and fussiness.. I just wish I could run away and quit as well but I have to think of my husband and daughter whom I dearly love, especially my daughter who is my second chance after having kind of "lost " my older ones. Heaven help me.. Nowadays only by occupying my time with work outside, or by spending sometime outside with my family, burying myself in cyberspace or books makes my life meaningful and worth living.. Else life has lost it's lustre for me.. It doesn't help at all that my daughter is also becoming a demanding alpha female who is spoilt by her father. I can't help feeling being sandwiched in between all the alpha agressive people.. My husband included, even if I loved him/them dearly. It's a very stressful situation and I'm fighting to maintain my sanity..
Down and miserable but not yet out....
"I wandered around the streets of this town trying to find sense of it all. The rain on my face, it covers the trace of all the tears I'd had to waste. Why must we hide emotions? Why must we never break down and cry? All that I need is to cry for help. Somebody please hear me cry for help. All I can do is cry for help..."
That was once one of my favourite songs sung by Rick Astley. I thought it was appropriate for my current feelings which seem to be down, down, down...
I start finding life depressing.. I have people around me, but I feel so lonely, I can't seem to talk to anyone in my family for fear of saying the wrong things and they are mightily sensitive people. Life is just so routine and as the holiday season draws closer, it's even more depressing as I can't go to work or such.
Sometimes some people do not think of other people's feelings or wants or needs. They simply take for granted that we will fall into their plans. I am surrounded by a few of these people. I am cut out without a voice or at least expected to fall into line. I find that I no longer have my own say and I am pretty much at a loss at this point of time. Everything I do seems to be wrong. I find myself getting more and more stressed out with only my books, the computer or my penpals to turn to sometimes, as not everything can be shared. And the things that can't be shared sometimes fester inside my soul, making me even more depressed or stressed out..
Life has never been easy and sometimes I wonder what I might have done in my previous life(if ther is such) to deserve all this but I am still taking it on and bearing up.. but for how long before I break I do not know..
Maybe I need a vacation but with that comes financial problems as I have so many financial obligations at the moment with almost not much breathing room. Ahh well, that/this is my life and I just have to grin and bear it for now, as long as I can....
That was once one of my favourite songs sung by Rick Astley. I thought it was appropriate for my current feelings which seem to be down, down, down...
I start finding life depressing.. I have people around me, but I feel so lonely, I can't seem to talk to anyone in my family for fear of saying the wrong things and they are mightily sensitive people. Life is just so routine and as the holiday season draws closer, it's even more depressing as I can't go to work or such.
Sometimes some people do not think of other people's feelings or wants or needs. They simply take for granted that we will fall into their plans. I am surrounded by a few of these people. I am cut out without a voice or at least expected to fall into line. I find that I no longer have my own say and I am pretty much at a loss at this point of time. Everything I do seems to be wrong. I find myself getting more and more stressed out with only my books, the computer or my penpals to turn to sometimes, as not everything can be shared. And the things that can't be shared sometimes fester inside my soul, making me even more depressed or stressed out..
Life has never been easy and sometimes I wonder what I might have done in my previous life(if ther is such) to deserve all this but I am still taking it on and bearing up.. but for how long before I break I do not know..
Maybe I need a vacation but with that comes financial problems as I have so many financial obligations at the moment with almost not much breathing room. Ahh well, that/this is my life and I just have to grin and bear it for now, as long as I can....
S O M E T I M E S
Sometimes...
when you cry...
no one sees your tears.
Sometimes...
when you are in pain.
no one sees your hurt.
Sometimes.
when you are worried..
no one sees your stress
Sometimes.
when you are happy..
no one sees your smile ..
-
-
-
-
But FART !! just ONE time...
And everybody knows!!
Gotcha!! You thought this was going to be one of those heart-touching stories!
The Wooden Bowl
I guarantee you will remember the tale of the Wooden Bowl tomorrow, a week from now, a month from now,
A year from now.
(This story was made into a commercial for last year
s Eid Fitri in my country if I am not mistaken...)
A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year-old grandson.
The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered
The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and
Failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor.
When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.
The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess.
'We must do something about father,' said the son.
'I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor.'
So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner.
There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner.
Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl.
When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone.
Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.
The four-year-old watched it all in silence.
One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor.
He asked the child sweetly, 'What are you making?' Just as sweetly, the boy responded,
'Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up.
' The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.
The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.
That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table.
For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason,
Neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.
On a positive note, I've learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things:
A rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.
I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as making a 'life..'
I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands.You need to be able to throw something back sometimes.
I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you
But, if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others,
Your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you
I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.
I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.
I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone.
People love that human touch -- holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.
I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.
A year from now.
(This story was made into a commercial for last year
s Eid Fitri in my country if I am not mistaken...)
A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year-old grandson.
The old man's hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered
The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather's shaky hands and
Failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor.
When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.
The son and daughter-in-law became irritated with the mess.
'We must do something about father,' said the son.
'I've had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating, and food on the floor.'
So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner.
There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner.
Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl.
When the family glanced in Grandfather's direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone.
Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.
The four-year-old watched it all in silence.
One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor.
He asked the child sweetly, 'What are you making?' Just as sweetly, the boy responded,
'Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and Mama to eat your food in when I grow up.
' The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.
The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what must be done.
That evening the husband took Grandfather's hand and gently led him back to the family table.
For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family. And for some reason,
Neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.
On a positive note, I've learned that, no matter what happens, how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles four things:
A rainy day, the elderly, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.
I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as making a 'life..'
I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands.You need to be able to throw something back sometimes.
I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you
But, if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others,
Your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you
I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.
I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.
I've learned that every day, you should reach out and touch someone.
People love that human touch -- holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.
I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.
Escaping stress into a world of fantasy....
Life in reality has been extremely stressful to me... I no longer come 'home' after work but instead go back to my MIL's home which is technically a show house with too many rules, regulations and can't stop feeling like a cat on the hot tin roof... a mistake might cost me...
I never was much of a fan of fantasy stories , usually preferring contempory romances, historical romances, self help books and chick lit, until... I guess Cheyenne McCray's books on demons , tuatha de danann and so on...
Now I am practically hooked on fantasy books especially those involving vampires, fairies, angels, tuatha d danann, ancient greek gods and so on... Hmmm... mainly from Cheyenne McCray, Sherrilyn Kenyon and now, Charlaine Harris....
ooohhh... Charlaine Harris and her True Blood series books... I just can't put it down... I am so engrossed with her stories and so in love with the characters... doesn't help that actors playing the characters are all yummy as well....
I find myself having a huge crush now on Eric Northman... LOL
But well, other then that, Eric, Sookie, Bill, Sam and all help get me through this week with excitement, they are my current best friends... if not... I probably might be popping Prozac or Xanax by now.....with all the tension I am undergoing...
Be thankful
I AM THANKFUL:
FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT'S EGGS N BACON TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.
FOR THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,
NOT ON THE STREETS.
FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM EMPLOYED .
FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.
FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.
FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE
FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME.
FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS
WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH..
FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION .
FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM WARM.
FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.
FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN
CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.
FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.
FOR THE WIFE
WHO SAYS IT'S EGGS N BACON TONIGHT,
BECAUSE SHE IS HOME WITH ME,
AND NOT OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
FOR THE HUSBAND
WHO IS ON THE SOFA
BEING A COUCH POTATO,
BECAUSE HE IS HOME WITH ME
AND NOT OUT AT THE BARS.
FOR THE TEENAGER
WHO IS COMPLAINING ABOUT DOING DISHES
BECAUSE IT MEANS SHE IS AT HOME,
NOT ON THE STREETS.
FOR THE TAXES I PAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM EMPLOYED .
FOR THE MESS TO CLEAN AFTER A PARTY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE
BEEN SURROUNDED BY FRIENDS.
FOR THE CLOTHES THAT FIT A LITTLE TOO SNUG
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE ENOUGH TO EAT.
FOR MY SHADOW THAT WATCHES ME WORK
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM OUT IN THE SUNSHINE
FOR A LAWN THAT NEEDS MOWING,
WINDOWS THAT NEED CLEANING,
AND GUTTERS THAT NEED FIXING
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE A HOME.
FOR ALL THE COMPLAINING
I HEAR ABOUT THE GOVERNMENT
BECAUSE IT MEANS
WE HAVE FREEDOM OF SPEECH..
FOR THE PARKING SPOT
I FIND AT THE FAR END OF THE PARKING LOT
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM CAPABLE OF WALKING
AND I HAVE BEEN BLESSED WITH TRANSPORTATION .
FOR MY HUGE HEATING BILL
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I AM WARM.
FOR THE PILE OF LAUNDRY AND IRONING
BECAUSE IT MEANS
I HAVE CLOTHES TO WEAR.
FOR WEARINESS AND ACHING MUSCLES
AT THE END OF THE DAY
BECAUSE IT MEANS I HAVE BEEN
CAPABLE OF WORKING HARD.
FOR THE ALARM THAT GOES OFF
IN THE EARLY MORNING HOURS
BECAUSE IT MEANS I AM ALIVE.
of tempers, ego and being unable to compromise...and BOOKS
Since moving into my mother in law's house, I've been very tense. Life here is full of tension so it would be a real surprise if I was not tense. This causes a lot more problems as I can't seem to relax.. and how to when I can't help feeling like a cat on the hot tin roof where any wrong step can cause me to burn myself or fall off the roof.
I even find myself clenching my teeth when I sleep.
It is difficult, but well, life goes on and I have to persevere. Pray to God I just have the strenght to continue when some of the people in this house practically(my daughter included) only care for what they think and how they feel instead of how other people might feel or think. It is as if they are the only human beings around and the others (me, the maid and some) are just robots with no feelings or the ability to think.
The only escape I have is when I go to work, surf the internet, receive a letter from one of my pals or bury myself in my books... I owe so much to my books. They are my anti depressants and they keep me sane, allowing me to escape for a moment, no matter how brief to a fantasy world. My books have been my dearest friends since I was a kid and wold remain thus until the day I die as I am pretty sure that without my books.. I would probably be going stark raving mad...
I even find myself clenching my teeth when I sleep.
It is difficult, but well, life goes on and I have to persevere. Pray to God I just have the strenght to continue when some of the people in this house practically(my daughter included) only care for what they think and how they feel instead of how other people might feel or think. It is as if they are the only human beings around and the others (me, the maid and some) are just robots with no feelings or the ability to think.
The only escape I have is when I go to work, surf the internet, receive a letter from one of my pals or bury myself in my books... I owe so much to my books. They are my anti depressants and they keep me sane, allowing me to escape for a moment, no matter how brief to a fantasy world. My books have been my dearest friends since I was a kid and wold remain thus until the day I die as I am pretty sure that without my books.. I would probably be going stark raving mad...
sandwich generation stress....
I find myself caught in the middle. I am in the middle, and being in the middle is actually not a fun place to be. It can be very stressful at times.
I find myself in the middle of alot of situations and also caught in the middle between grumpy fussy mother/mother in law and also kids. I find myself caught between having to buy something or give my mother money and also my kids. I find myself getting scolded or ticked off by my mother or mother in law and again by my daughters. It's an awful place to be. Worse is to get caught in between my mother in law and my husband/her son. I can't help feeling the accusing finger pointing at me as well.
Hmmm... what can I do about it I wonder..
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