Feb 4, 2015

15 Dos and Don't on how to have your own life while married / in a realtionship

How can you balance life between giving to your partner and having a life of your own?
Here are some ways as how you can date/be married or have a relationship with that someone but NOT lose yourself.


DO:
1) Spend some time with your friends - minus your partner. It's awesome when your other half and your friends like one another, but your friends won't always like your other half around when they are trying to spend time with you. The way you act around your friends when your husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend tags along is actually quite different  than when you show up alone an can be yourself. So plan for a weekend brunch /shopping trip/ getaway that's just for you and the people who were there for you all along.
2) Identify hobbies and interests that you don't mutually like - and keep doing them. You and your other half are not going to be always enjoying all the same activities. Don't stop doing something you enjoy just because your other half does not share the same interest. It's important to support each other's interests - even  when they aren't shared.
3) Speak up for yourself. While committing to another person can be pretty awesome, giving up your needs and feelings up for that person isn't. Don't compromise or undermine your own desires just because a) you want to give the other person everything they want or b) you're scared that you'll lose him or her if you need something different. A healthy relationship makes room for what both of you need, and your other half will not  know what you need if you don't say it. If he or she cannot take it when you do express yourself, better that than losing yourself to someone unwilling to hear you and meet you halfway.
4) Plan for your future both with and without your other half. You have to make plans with your partner for your future together, but it's also important to plan for yourself what you want out of your career and work toward the things you need in your personal life. Spend some time planning your short-term and long-term goals that have nothing to do with your other half. Make sure you stand by what you won't give up for anyone.
5) Disconnect electronically. When "apart" from your other half, you do not have to be constantly chatting and texting with your partner. Retain your own personality and set aside time to do your thing - work, exercise, read, journal, pursue personal projects, whatever - without checking in with your other half every five minutes.
6) Do your own things without him or her. That movie you've been looking forward is in the cinemas? A friend from another city invited you to visit for a weekend? Have a chance to go backpacking for the first time? It's OK if you want to invite your other half  along, but it is also OK if you don't  experience these things with him or her, especially if it's something you've been wanting to do since long before you met. It's OK to do these by yourself or with friends - you're not required to share. Everybody need a little time away, away from each other.... even lovers need a holiday... (remember the Chicago Song) and also Absence makes the heart fonder
7) Be open to new things. Part of being your own self is knowing you can try  new  things without sacrificing your core values and tastes. Give your partner's hobbies and interests a try at least once. If you enjoy them, great. If not, don't force yourself to do them again as everyone has their own likes and dislikes.
DON'T:
1) Become too dependent. Being in a relationship doesn't mean you're off the hook when it comes to taking care of yourself and your own feelings. It's easy to look to your partner to protect you from the world, but continue to fight your own battles and do your own things. It's great having someone to comfort you, and it's perfectly all right to let him or her, but make sure you don't need it.
2) Keep talking about your relationship. You do not want to be the person who brings every conversation with friends back to the time your other half said this or did that. Chances are you saw, talked to, texted, WhatsApped  and/or emailed with him or her very recently. Your time with friends is an opportunity to discuss other things.
3) Talk to each other all the time. If you're in constant contact with your partner throughout the day, what are you going to talk about when you actually see each other? Leave some topics for when you meet up later for dinner or meet back at home. Also, you can't be your own person if you're forever talking to someone else.
4) Let the status of your relationship affect you. It's never fun or easy when you and your other half fight, but do your best to compartmentalize. The less you let what's going on in your relationship affect your work, friendships and interaction with other family members, the better it is. If  your relationship state affects your mood, then you are probably too consumed by it.
5) Neglect other important relationships. If you have plans with family or your best friends, don't cancel or sacrifice it just to stay in with your other half. A healthy relationship will definitely withstand you taking the time to honor commitments to people outside it.
6) Depend on your other half to complete you. Your partner should make you happy, not make you whole.
7) Make yourself smaller. Don't resist success, a promotion or making more money than your other half to boost his or her ego or spare his or her feelings. Someone who truly loves you  can accept you for what you are and  is secure enough to cheer you on.
8) Let yourself go. Despite being in a healthy marriage or relationship, it is important that you do not let yourself go. Taking care of your looks is still important and the effort will make your other half proud of who you are. Always be presentable and every once in a while, take the effort to dress up nice and surprise your other half


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