Jul 26, 2015

How do you take care of someone who does not want to be taken care of......

While visiting an uncle during this month of Hari Raya and open houses, suddenly the topic came out... 

How do you take care of someone who does not want to be taken care of or someone who seem to resent or shun whatever efforts we put into trying to take care of them in our own way. 

It was funny at a glance but it also hit close to home, and I think many people can relate to that as there are times we try to take care of our kids, our spouse, our girlfriend or boyfriend,our best friend, our parents or someone only to be snapped at, to be turned down and the feeling that leaves a bitter after taste that whatever effort we have put into trying to help this other person is just a waste of time and that other person is such an ungrateful #*#* .... 




I have felt that way before and it definitely does happen to loads of concerned wannabe caregivers... Maybe I have been over concerned and then ended up getting snapped for no good reason and it definitely frustrates me that I wish I could just drop it all and run a million miles away....and the feeling is worse when it is someone close to us or a family member since it is kind of hard to just walk away and tell the other person to go f*#k themselves and we just wash our hands off once and for all.. (ooops , sorry for the language)


I heard stories of how the concern party get into fights with the other person because the other person deemed themselves more independent and probably want their own space and ways...  

Like everything in life, there are always two side of the story... and we have to try to look into it both ways if we can... which mostly we can't as emotions play a huge part in our lives... for the person like an elderly person, or a sick person or even a teenager or kid, they might just want to do things their own way and be independent or just left alone to deal with their own problems or depression ....These feelings are actually normal as if we were in their shoes, we would probably be feeling the same way...

Then to the wannabe caregivers, people who are just "concerned" or maybe sometimes overly concerned, we want to help them overcome it as fast as we can, we want them to get well, and also solve the problem or task as soon as we can, and usually in the way we perceive is best or fastest...


Unfortunately, both parties cannot think the same thing and this can cause friction and end up in harsh words and broken hearts. 

Yeah, being at the receiving end of harsh words or getting snapped at when all you are doing is trying to help the other person whom you care about, be it your child, your spouse, your partner, your best friend or parent can be heart breaking and I have found myself countless times in the verge of tears or in tears . So much so I feel I want to just ignore that person for the rest of my life, but unfortunately, the person is very close to me or related to me, and the thought only happens when we are hurt or angered and at other times, especially when we have considerably calmed down, we still find that we are just as concerned and care how the other person is feeling...


It has been said that caregiving is an emotional roller coaster. Caring for your someone close to you demonstrates love and commitment and can be a very rewarding personal experience. However, exhaustion, worry and continuous care demands are enormously stressful. It is also said that we who care for others are more likely to have a chronic illness namely high cholesterol, high blood pressure and a tendency to be overweight. Studies have shown that about 46 percent to 59 percent of people who care for others are clinically depressed

So there are actually no right way to this unless we try compromising or talking it out if possible... if not, all we can do is do the best we can and try to strengthen our own hearts and nerves and take all these "challenges" in stride, brushing them off easily and just do what we can for our friends, child, spouse, partner, parent when the time comes....


And most importantly, remember to take care of your/ourself, and take time off for your/ourself...or it can become overwhelming. Because as you/we reach out to others who you/we think are in need, don’t forget to look after your/our own emotional health. Thinking about your/our own self is not being selfish. It is very necessary. Your/our emotional strength will allow you/us to provide the ongoing support the other person needs

(pictures and quotes all taken from google.com for illustration purposes and are not mine!!)


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