Oh my God... this is sooooo like a trick question. Damned if I answer damned if I don't... hahaha... Ok.. I will try to be as honest as I can. Thank God the title is not too revealing and this will only be read by people who really read every bit of my blogs.
Day 4: My views on religion
Day 5: A time you thought about ending your own life
Both questions are very sensitive to some people around me and intertwined in some ways.
I always believe I am a more spiritual person then a religious person.
There had been several dark moments in my life in my younger days. My parents were divorced and my father couldn't be bothered about me.
My mom, she was there but she was also tied up in her own activities, worries and problems. She had a volatile temper too. Sparing the rod never ever crossed her mind.
No one notice what was going on sometimes around or inside me, what was being done to me since I was about 10 until 18, the things that led me to get married at a young age.
There have been a few times in my teenage life when I had strangled myself until I lost consciousness, self mutilate myself with scissors or the edge of a ruler or key. Taken a dozen paracetamol just to have a uncomfortable stomach later on .
I still live on and there has been times I think even God doesn't want me ? I was born a Christian and believed in Jesus and God.
I then converted to be a Muslim when I got married at the age of 19. It was for marriage but for me, God is God. Only after converting I have to learn and understand that Muhammad pbuh is the prophet after Jesus.
It's just that since young, my faith has been very shaken badly. I believe in God, I believe in angels, I believe in the prophets, I pray but there is something missing.
If I can only know what is it and how to find it.
Can anyone tell me how? But oh, please don't start preaching or condemning if you are not in my shoes.